video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The power of my boobs compel you
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
