True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
that may or may not have been my penis.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
