I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
