We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
