So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
