Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
