I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
