what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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