You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
