I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
