I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
do nipples grow back?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
