What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
