Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
