he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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