I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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