i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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