Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
