I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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