if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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