I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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