We're facebook friends in real life
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
