just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
