In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
