there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
vagina is talking i cant
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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