So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
