No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
