You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
