I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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