Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
