it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
