He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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