My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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