I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
