so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
