i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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