oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
