Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
