hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
