i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I know her cup size but not her name....
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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