WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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