Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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