You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We need to get me chipped asap
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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