Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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