in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
