Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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