Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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