Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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