I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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