Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
