walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
