Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
this boner is exhausting
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
