its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i drank out of a bidet.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
