I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
