speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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