Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
