I'm eating all of the evidence.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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