I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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