The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
