Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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