Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
