I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I fill condoms, not promises.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
