my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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