Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Panties = found
Randomize
